who am i? am i the amness of am?
a rev. golitzin, one of the featured religion representatives for the a&e special the history of God said:
who is God? God is...the isness of is.
from my perspective as a Christian, this makes perfect sense. God is what is, timeless, endless, perpetual, the generator, the mover, the maker and even within these labels or definitions, undefinable. but where do i fit in? how can i state am in any other context but limited, finite. i am hungry, i am at peace, i am overwhelmed with _______. everything that i can state i am, ends. it all passes away. all my emotions, my observations, my expectations, they all pass away and in their place are those newly formed or reworked or regenerated in pattern and habit, which again pass away in cycle.
i am struggling with my idea of oneness. it is compelling, something that i am increasingly embracing in contemplation, however, it is still a tough thing to reconcile with a superior being as God. i can think of God as nothing less than superior and that my own being as inferior is brought to a higher level of spiritual enlightenment and contentment through God, any other attatchment to self or the world serving as only an hinderance. in this sense the 'oneness' i define as being enveloped into God, a union which needn't require an equality of perfection.
along with this union with God, comes the aspect of worthiness, really unworthiness..therefore needing a saviour, a redemption...and still, even with this requirement filled, there is more unworthiness, the necessary punishment due for not co-operating with grace given or sin. this creates an imbalance in my idea of oneness..i cannot be that which is because i am definitively unworthy.
so, who am i? a redemption in progress? a good thought personified for the purpose of good? a creature of limitless scope capable of limitless action confined for a specific amount of time manifesting as i choose for the purpose of experience through love and knowledge of all through the anihilation of self?